Saying good bye.

Tonight was the second time in my life that I have had to go to the hospital to say good bye to someone. 

It was NOT easier for having done it before.

My godmother Ursula has not been well for some time.  In fact, she was too sick to come to my wedding back in March.  To my regret and to my shame, however, I have not seen her since then.  Some part of me just refused to really believe that she could actually be that sick.  How could a woman who has stood up to the Nazis, escaped from the Commies and bossed around Presidents* possibly ever be laid low?  Ursula has always been invincible and mighty -- a fact that was not lost on any of my friends who met her. 

Still, my dad kept telling me that her health was deteriorating and that she wanted to see me, but there was always something in the way.  There was always a reason not to call -- it was too late at night, I was too busy, I was in a bad mood...  God, how could I have been so stupid?

She was admitted to the hospital over the weekend while I was out of town.  Sarah greeted me at the door with the news when I got back last night, and we agreed to go see her when I got off work today.

....

You know, I don't think I want to go into the details too much.  I'll just say that it was bad. 

It is possible that she will not last the week... but based on the strength with which she gripped my hand when I went to her bedside, I am afraid that her body has not given up fighting.  She is -- quite vocally -- ready to move on and has made her peace.  However, I think that after 80-some-odd years her body just doesn't know how to give up.  I am terrified of the misery she will have to go through if this goes on for weeks and weeks.

The only other time I have had to say good bye to someone in a hospital bed was for the greatest singer I have ever known.  Aside from my mom, I don't think anyone who reads this ever heard Leroy Campbell sing, and that's a shame.  Still, the only recording of his voice that I have seems very appropriate right now.

Come and Go to That Land

Washington Revels

*This is all true.  Indiana Jones has NOTHING on my godmother.